Driving After Dark

Last night I was feeling adventurous. Up until yesterday I hadn't left the safety of the 2 mile radius around my new apartment, but my work Christmas party is this weekend and the theme is all white. I do not own anything white. Hence, the need to find a mall.

My co-worker is a San Diego native and was kind enough to give me the run down of all shopping malls around us. As she used street names like 805,  villa this, villa that, I became more and more confused. I decided to just use good old GPS. Bad choice. I typed in "JCPenny" in GPS and soon the familiar sing song voice said "MotionX is calculating your route" I don't know if you have used GPS, but if you have you will understand what I mean when I say that "recalculating route" is said about 3 times  before you even leave the parking lot of your departure place. Normally, when you are in a familiar place this isn't too annoying as you have a general idea of where you are going. Well, I do not. At all. When I get to a stop light and my phone is still calculating my route, I have to keep driving. Add the new fun bonus of being legally forbidden to touch your phone while driving and you are completely at the mercy of the annoying, sing-song voiced lady in your phone.

So, after about 6 "recalculating routes" I ended up on a nice tree lined side road. I was pretty happy that the hooker ( this is the affectionate name I have given the talking lady on my GPS) led me away from the terrifying freeways and down a nice relaxing road. As I continued to drive around twisty turns lined with trees I saw that the road ahead was ascending. I didn't think much of it and kept driving. The hooker had been relatively quiet so I knew I was going in the right direction. Soon I was to the top of the twisty turn-y road and realized I had entered my worst nightmare. To my right was a tiny metal fence, directly on the other side was a drop that appeared to be as big as the Grand Canyon down to a huge Dam surrounded by water. I know you think I'm exaggerating so here is a picture:

To my left was oncoming traffic going at least 70MPH. I was on a 2 lane highway next to the dam of death. I'm pretty sure my legs lost all feeling at this point as I slowly wound around the curves  trying to stay as far away from the thin metal gate separating me from a plunge off of the cliff while avoiding driving into oncoming traffic. After what seemed to be a lifetime, I started to descend and came to a traffic light. I pulled into the first available parking lot despite the hookers screaming protests "re-routing, RE-ROUTING" and luckily the parking lot was the mall. The ESCONDIDO mall. This meant nothing to me last night, but after recounting the above story to my co-workers today, the wide eye look of shock on their faces led me to believe I drove very, very far for my white outfit.

What I've learned from this experience:
1) GPS does not replace a map. I will diligently look at a map before listening to the hookers directions
2) The lady in my phone is trying to kill me- maybe it's because of the nickname I gave her.
3) No white after Labor Day is a fantastic rule and had it been adhered to, I wouldn't have gone through this experience.
4) California is really freaking hilly.