30, flirty, and thriving!

If you don't understand my title, watch 13 going on 30. :)
Today is my 30th birthday and I am in Greece with my best friend. (Let that soak in)

Isn't life amazing? 

As a kid I had pictured myself married with kids by the age of 30, yet here I am living an even more incredible life than I ever could have imagined. God sure does have a way of taking the plans you have for your life, laughing, and turning them into something even better than your wildest dreams. 

Your 20's are very formative years and help shape the success of your 30's. In this last decade I graduated from college, lived paycheck to paycheck trying to juggle bills and student loan payments which as every young college graduate knows is ROUGH. I had to master the art of getting gas on credit option not debit and balancing the charge perfectly before payday to not overdraft. If you are broke and need any other tips, you know who to come to. 

I began my career in advertising and have ended up living and working in my dream city of San Diego. I have learned what I won't put up with in relationships (not just romantic, ANY relationship). I no longer care what anyone thinks of me. I like me, my family and friends love me; and that's what matters. I am blessed, but what is more important to highlight here is the hard work and heartbreak it has taken to get here. Life isn't easy, but it's worth it! So for today, on my 30th birthday I celebrate everything I have accomplished so far in life and everything that is yet to come. 

Heading in to my 30's I'm financially sound (FINALLY!), happy, healthy (65+ lbs gone and still going!) and enjoying life by traveling, trying new things (paddle boarding, anyone?) and working in a field I love; stressful and busy, yes, but I love working with people and have an awesome book of clients. A lot of people dread turning 30, but I'm embracing it. My 20's were hard. I'm ready to enjoy all of my hard work from my 20's in my 30's. Maybe find a special someone and have kids? Maybe not. What I know for sure is God has something in mind for me and my life that I couldn't possibly begin to fathom and now, at 30, I find great comfort in that fact. To the next 30 years. Hope they are as magical as the first 30.  

27

27 has been a year of lessons and growth for me. I took a big chance and moved to a new state, started a new job, and left my friends and family for the unknown. The risk has paid off tremendously. This year I have learned that I’m stronger than I ever realized- life is hard; it can bring a lot of challenges you aren’t expecting. I have cried, I have been depressed, I’ve been lonely and missed home, but I stood my ground and worked through all of these emotions. Below are a few of the lessons I have learned this year and am happy to be taking with me into my 28^th year:

Friendship- Friendship is a 2 way street. I have had lots of friends fade away since my move from Arizona. People I thought would be in my life forever have slipped away. I have no resentment. I have learned that the people who make an effort and truly love you no matter how far away you move are the ones you want to hold on to. The true friends I have are amazing and have helped me get through this past year with endless encouragement and kind words. Tawni, Angela, Krystle, Lauren, Antonio, Mel T (Now Mel M. )… You guys have been amazing and I will always remember the kindness and loyalty you have shown when I needed it most! Thank you.

Family- Family is the one constant in my life that I am so incredibly grateful for. My mom and dad have been beyond supportive and have visited me numerous times here in San Diego. Ash- our Skype dates have brightened many a Saturday for me. Cards, phone calls, text messages- you guys always lift me up and encourage me when I need it most. I am so blessed.

Dating-  Oh my goodness. This one has been an experience. I have been on more dates this year than all the years of my life combined. I have enough horror stories to fill a book two times over. (One guy answered his phone during our date and told his wife he was still working and there was no need for her to cook dinner- I left immediately) With every date I have learned something new. With every experience I have been taught what I want, how I want to be treated, and that I will NOT settle. Life is hard enough without someone making it harder. I never realized how sane I am and what an amazing catch having a job, car, and residence makes me until I started online dating.

Change- Change used to scare me – I am learning to embrace it. I love where I am right now and I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t accepted the possibility of change.

San Diego- Oh San Diego… I love you. At first I missed home so much I had to keep telling myself “just give it a year, give it a year” now, I can’t imagine ever leaving. November will be my 1-year anniversary here and I am signing another 12-month lease.  There is nothing like watching a sunset on dog beach while my weens run and play in the waves. I love my new simple life and routines.. Coffee Bean and the beach on Saturday mornings, Kettlebells 3 times a week, hanging out with my new friends BBQ’ing and using the hot tub, taking my dogs to the apartment dog park.  Xochi and Brandyn- you guys are truly amazing.  You were my first friends here in California and have welcomed me with open arms. I love you both so much.

27 has been hard, it’s been wonderful, it’s been eventful. I have learned a lot, grown as a person, developed professionally, and made a lot of new friends and A LOT of memories. 28 is going to have a lot to live up to. J

Is this for real??

As you all know I am still very new to California. I have been here for just over 3 months now. One of my biggest struggles has been meeting people. Not just anyone, but people I would actually enjoy having a drink with or meeting on the weekends to go shopping. There is nothing worse than spending precious weekend hours with someone you don't particularly like all that much. Well, time and time again Meetup.com has been recommended to me as a way to meet new people. Finally after even my new hairdresser recommended meetup.com, I thought what the hell? I'll give it a try! This is where it gets fun.

My first inclination was to join a wiener meetup group. I know, I know. Spare me the dog lady jokes. I have limited time at home with my pups so if I can spend time with them AND be social it's a win-win, right? No. I looked at the median age range of the San Diego Doxie meet up group and it's about 50 years old. Add in a few awesome gay men and their husbands and there you have it- my target demo: older ladies and gay men. As excited as I was to be with my people- I decided to branch out and also join the San Diego late 20's early 30's meetup group (it is a whole new blog to begin ranting about how I have ended up in this age range group- where has time gone?!) So, I signed up for the group. I looked through the upcoming events and didn't really see anything that sparked my interest. I'm not exactly a rock climbing/parasailing type person. 

Today I come into work and check my personal email and I see an innocent looking subject line: "Melanie.. we recommend the following meetup groups for you!" I open the email and see it- the group that is recommended for me based on my apparent "interests": 

SAN DIEGO EYE-GAZING PARTIES

What the hell is an eye-gazing party you ask? Good question! I didn't know such a thing existed until a few hours ago. Here is a brief description from the group page: 

Here’s how it works: An even number of singles gets together in an attractive space. After a fun mini-lesson in the art of eye contact, the group splits into pairs, and each pair spends two minutes looking at each other’s eyes, no talking, with inviting beats in the background. 

For your reading enjoyment here is the entire meetup profile:

http://www.meetup.com/San-Diego-Eye-Gazing-Parties/?gj=ej1b&a=wg2.1_rdmr

The first obvious question after reading this is, is this a joke? Reading the description alone made me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants- can you imagine what disaster would ensue if I actually WENT? 

The second question is, what are "inviting beats"? What I picture in my head is some creepy guy staring at me while Boys II Men's "I'll make love to you" plays in the background. 

The third and final question is, do people really do this??? Why would I want to pay to go stare at people I don't know for 2 minutes? It sounds like this goes on for an hour and a half. That's a lot of people to stare at in 2 minute intervals. If alcohol is added to the mix I'd be even more prone to outbursts of laughter which WOULD result in the peeing of my pants. The only possibility for enjoyment in this would be initiating a staring contest without telling my partner and as soon as the guy blinks shout: "I WIN- YOU BLINKED!!"

I tried universe. I really did. I was going to put myself out there and attend a meetup for young people. You made a mockery of my effort by introducing me to a Eye-gazing party.

The good news; however, is that I RSVP'd to the Wiener meet-up next weekend. I see a lot of brunches with new friends in my future. :)

2013.. Here we go

2013 has started off on the right foot. I drove back to Cali from AZ on NYE and by the time I got home and unpacked, I didn't have much energy for anything other than watching the festivities on TV and passing out. Sometime later I awoke to screaming and realized it was midnight and a new year had begun.

The next morning as I sat in my apartment in San Diego (all boxes FINALLY unpacked) I felt very nostalgic. All of the cliches ran through my head "you never know where life will lead you!" "Who knows where you'll be a year from now!" "The only sure things in life are death and taxes!" and many, many more. At that moment I finally GOT it. I now understand those cliches. On January 1st, 2012 if you had told me a year from then I'd be living in San Diego (a dream I've had for quite sometime) I would have laughed in your face. I have a house in AZ- mortgage payments and all of the responsibility home ownership brings is not conducive to "relocating for work"; yet- there I sat,  2 blocks from the beach, having only one acquaintance that I knew from my previous job, and completely on my own in San Diego.

Anyone that knows me well understands that change scares the hell out of me. I'm not a big "risk" taker. I like stability, routine, and familiarity. Being born and raised in Arizona makes it home to me. My immediate family lives there, 98% of my friends live there and I have known them all a ridiculously long time, 15+ years in most cases. I was very settled. Even so, I always had the dream of someday living somewhere else.

When I was 22 and a freshly graduated, naive, college student I was looking for jobs in New York. I had applied for a few, started looking for cheap apartments and plotting how I would get there. I had no financial obligations and nothing holding me back. It was right at this time that my mom through a routine colonoscopy was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. This diagnosis brought me back to Earth. I didn't want to be 2000+ miles away from my family. I wanted to be there and spend every second I could with my mom- my best friend and greatest supporter.

Flash forward 4 years to 2011 and my mom is in remission, (Thank you God) I bought a house in Mesa, and I was on a vacation in San Diego with my sister, my brother in law, and our close family friend Angela. I was sitting by the beach with my sister Ashley and I made a bold statement- "I don't care how I do it- I WILL be living here within a year". It was the perfect compromise- somewhere other than Arizona, but close enough to drive home for the weekend or if something came up and I needed to get back quickly- I could. It was on that vacation that I bought a keychain that said "San Diego" this was my visual representation of my goal.

A few months went by and the dream took a backseat to life. Work deadlines, bills, daily demands that so easily put "dreams" in the background. One Sunday I decided to stir up the old San Diego dream after I had seen a friends facebook pictures showing her new apartment on the beach in CA. When I looked at the company where she had been hired, there was an Account Manager position open. I applied and all of the pieces fell perfectly into place to get me here. It almost- as corny as this sounds, feels like it was meant to be.

Life has it's ups and downs. It is frustrating, overwhelming, sad, and happy. One thing I now understand more than anything is that life constantly changes.  Change isn't bad- it's scary and uncertain, but also exciting and new. 2013 represents just that to me- change.

I accomplished my lofty somewhat unrealistic goal, I'm living in San Diego-

 I did it.

Case of the Mondays?

Monday morning. The alarm goes off signaling the end of the weekend and the beginning of the work week, I groan as I roll over to shut off the blaringly loud alarm and as I enter full consciousness it hits me- 20 beautiful, innocent children would never have a moment like this- a simple moment that I, and the rest of the world, take for granted (and if we are quite honest; dread) The moment of opening your eyes on a Monday morning and getting up to start your work week.

These children were at the most wonderful point in life. They still had their innocence. They weren't jaded by angry clients, demanding bosses, stressful deadlines. They woke up each day buzzing with excitement- ready to share their favorite toy at show and tell, learn their ABC’s, or pick the story the teacher read in story time. Their biggest worry was whether they would be the one chosen to flip the numbers that Ms. Soto Said were counting down the days until winter break - or most importantly when Santa would be coming!

We have seen this violence before: Columbine, Virginia Tech, Colorado, the list continues to grow. What makes this different, what makes this so incredibly tragic, is the age of the victims. These 6 and 7 year old kids weren't old enough to understand, to defend themselves, to know to run or take cover. Children are vulnerable; it is our job as adults to protect them. The idea that something like this could happen, DID happen- is a painful, jagged pill to swallow. We failed. We didn't protect the most precious members of our society.

Why, why, why?? This is the question everyone wants an answer to; unfortunately, sometimes there is no answer. I encourage you to instead ask the question, “now what?” For me, my “now what” is simple, and easier said than done. I am going to relish the beauty in everyday. I am going to stop complaining and make the most of every moment. I’m going to exhibit more patience, curb my anger a bit longer. I’m going to make a goal to encourage at least one person per day and smile more. We as a society need to get back to basics. We get caught up in the everyday and forget what it is to take simple pleasure in the things that really matter.

20 children and 6 adults went to school on Friday and will never come home. There is no answer that will ever satisfy the question of why, or ease the enormous grief that will no doubt be with their family and friends until the day they take their last breath.  What we ARE able to control is our “now what?”Ask yourself this question, consider your answers, and start changing your reality to honor these kids who will never have the opportunity to discover what their own "now what?" would have entailed. If every person put into practice at least 1 of the answers that came to mind - we would no doubt be in a happier, more peaceful place. 

Why I won't meet a man at dog beach.

This weekend was going to be a great weekend. One of my best friends was coming to visit and we had every second of the weekend planned out.

Saturday morning we woke up and decided to go get coffee and take the dogs to dog beach. I was excited to go as my dogs have never been to the ocean and I couldn't wait to see their reactions. We got there and Max ran right to the water. He was running, playing and having a great time. Mia was a bit more cautious and stayed close by my side. Here are some pics of the happy moments before "IT' happened:

About 15 minutes into our beach outing a large furry dog ran up to Krystle and I. I didn't think much of it until I felt it..the small itch inside my nose. Not just any itch, the itch that signals the impending doom I am about to endure. The itch was followed by an innocent sneeze. At this point I was holding on to hope it was just a slight irritation and the sneeze would resolve whatever was irritating my sinuses. No such luck. The first sneeze was the beginning of the end. I began sneezing, and sneezing, and SNEEZING. The sneezing was soon accompanied by nasal drainage shooting from my nose as well as tears streaming from my itchy, watery eyes. Now, I know in movies dog beach is a common scene to "accidentally" run into your soulmate. As I stood there sneezing, dribbling mucous and tears all over the sand, I thought, "oh yeah, THIS is attractive". Thankfully, I had benedryl in my purse leftover from the last allergy attack I had. I popped two immediately and was able to prevent the itchy hives that normally appear if I don't take a heavy dose of antihistamine within the first 2 minutes of the attack. Krystle and I headed back to my car as quickly as we could. It was quite a scene I'm sure. I had no Kleenex on me so I was forced to use the sleeves of my jacket to wipe the constant drainage coming from my face. All I kept thinking was "please, oh please don't let my face/eye swell up." The last attack I had was followed by my eye swelling so much it was almost completely closed for a week.

This allergy attack happened Saturday morning. My work Christmas party was Saturday night.

We got to the car and Krystle was kind enough to run into the drug store and get me Zyrtec D.  3 benedryl, 1 zyrtec d, and $20 later I took a shower and laid on the couch with an ice pack on my eye- in my head I kept repeating the mantra "please don't swell, please don't swell"

The benedryl knocked me out and I awoke about an hour later. I looked in the mirror and my worst nightmare was confirmed.

My face was swollen. My eye was so puffy I could barely open it, and I had a work Christmas party where I was to meet the new CEO of my company in 6 hours. Krystle and I decided it would be best to get some fake eyelashes so that my eye could appear more "open".  Krystle, the good friend that she is kept reassuring me, "ohhh it looks like it's getting better!" the whole time we were out and about. The look of horror I received from the cashier at Starbucks told me the true story though. I looked like Quasimodo.

Luckily, Krystle was able to make me up and apply the eyelashes so that I appeared semi-normal. I think most of the credit goes to the dark venue where the party was hosted (Thank God) as well as the open bar that prevented most from realizing my puffy face wasn't caused by their inebriation.

You can still see that my right eye appears "lazy" despite our best attempts to make it appear normal.

 Dog beach is often romanticized as a great place to meet someone. However, when you are allergic to dogs, it is the last place you want to go looking for love.

Things I have learned:
1) I will never again stop taking allergy meds b/c I 'feel ok' I would rather be full of antihistamine then have this ever happen again.
2) Friends lie. Check your appearance in a mirror when someone exclaims "you look good!" when you can barely open your eye.
3) Dog beach is not a place where I will be finding dates
4) Never, NEVER leave home without benedryl, kleenex, and Zyrtec D.. you never know when you may need it.

Driving After Dark

Last night I was feeling adventurous. Up until yesterday I hadn't left the safety of the 2 mile radius around my new apartment, but my work Christmas party is this weekend and the theme is all white. I do not own anything white. Hence, the need to find a mall.

My co-worker is a San Diego native and was kind enough to give me the run down of all shopping malls around us. As she used street names like 805,  villa this, villa that, I became more and more confused. I decided to just use good old GPS. Bad choice. I typed in "JCPenny" in GPS and soon the familiar sing song voice said "MotionX is calculating your route" I don't know if you have used GPS, but if you have you will understand what I mean when I say that "recalculating route" is said about 3 times  before you even leave the parking lot of your departure place. Normally, when you are in a familiar place this isn't too annoying as you have a general idea of where you are going. Well, I do not. At all. When I get to a stop light and my phone is still calculating my route, I have to keep driving. Add the new fun bonus of being legally forbidden to touch your phone while driving and you are completely at the mercy of the annoying, sing-song voiced lady in your phone.

So, after about 6 "recalculating routes" I ended up on a nice tree lined side road. I was pretty happy that the hooker ( this is the affectionate name I have given the talking lady on my GPS) led me away from the terrifying freeways and down a nice relaxing road. As I continued to drive around twisty turns lined with trees I saw that the road ahead was ascending. I didn't think much of it and kept driving. The hooker had been relatively quiet so I knew I was going in the right direction. Soon I was to the top of the twisty turn-y road and realized I had entered my worst nightmare. To my right was a tiny metal fence, directly on the other side was a drop that appeared to be as big as the Grand Canyon down to a huge Dam surrounded by water. I know you think I'm exaggerating so here is a picture:

To my left was oncoming traffic going at least 70MPH. I was on a 2 lane highway next to the dam of death. I'm pretty sure my legs lost all feeling at this point as I slowly wound around the curves  trying to stay as far away from the thin metal gate separating me from a plunge off of the cliff while avoiding driving into oncoming traffic. After what seemed to be a lifetime, I started to descend and came to a traffic light. I pulled into the first available parking lot despite the hookers screaming protests "re-routing, RE-ROUTING" and luckily the parking lot was the mall. The ESCONDIDO mall. This meant nothing to me last night, but after recounting the above story to my co-workers today, the wide eye look of shock on their faces led me to believe I drove very, very far for my white outfit.

What I've learned from this experience:
1) GPS does not replace a map. I will diligently look at a map before listening to the hookers directions
2) The lady in my phone is trying to kill me- maybe it's because of the nickname I gave her.
3) No white after Labor Day is a fantastic rule and had it been adhered to, I wouldn't have gone through this experience.
4) California is really freaking hilly.